Vote So I Can Stay Home!

Now that the Olympics are over, that means that what's coming next, after college football season, of course, is THE ELECTIONS!!! (if you have a slight Asian dialect-accent, please do not pronounce the word ELECTIONS out loud. Unless you're at home with the wife or hubby...)

Now here's the diatribe Puerto Rico is in. The party in power hasn't been as good as they promised four years ago. They've been, well, lame. The Governor, since she got married, again, doesn't want to run again to focus on her family. That leaves the current Resident Commissioner as candidate. He's a nice guy, but boring. He doesn't motivate people much, although, like I said, he is a nice guy.

Now, he has two opponents. We won't talk about the guy for the Independentista party because he really doesn't count... he's that third party candidate that gets five per cent of the vote if he's lucky. But the other guy who's running against the Resident Commissioner is the former governor.

Let's see... how can I put it nicely... most of his former staff is now in jail under federal charges of extortion, accepting bribes, mishandling of federal funds... you name it, they've done it. The one person they haven't caught (yet) is the candidate himself. And it's been rumored that his wife might be next in the upcoming arrests. To make it even more fun for everyone, he says that he didn't know anything. Yeah, right.

This man embodies all that is evil and corrupt in this world. Huey Long would probably either admire this man for his cunning or tip his hat and say cede to him the title of most corrupt US citizen EVER.

Which is why, I've decided, that if Puerto Rican people are so stupid as to re-elect this man to office, I will lose my confidence in the voting public and will have to move out of Puerto Rico. To somewhere else. Most likely, somewhere in the US (maybe even Texas). Which brings me to another quandary.

In all the countries that have sent troops to Iraq that have held elections this year, the ruling party (which was in favor of sending troops) has lost the elections. Of course, the opposing party is opposed to involvement blahblahblah etc. Logically, this would mean that W would lose the election. The problem is that Kerry is about as likeable as a splintered wood blow-up doll. The rightist cried foul with the release of Fahrenheit 9/11, which shows Bush at his dumbest-moments-caught-on-film, but to blame him losing the elections on a MOVIE is stupider than the President himself.

Anyway, this is the deal. Here are the following scenarios and their consequences:

A) If Bush wins and the PPD wins in Puerto Rico, there's no problem. Status quo remains. The corrupt jackass goes back to the cave he bought in Boston, Bush stays in office until Dick Cheney tells him it's time to go to bed, no biggie.

B) Kerry wins, but PNP wins in Puerto Rico, establishing much hated Pedro Rosselló as governor (again). I lose all faith in the Puerto Rican people, but, Bush isn't in office anymore, so I can look for a job in the States. Still have to move (which is hateful), but at least I don't have to spend the next four years looking at pictures of Barrabas in public offices.

C) WORST CASE SCENARIO: Bush wins again. And so does Rosselló. If after writing this entry I can still get my passport renovated, I will be out of here faster than you can say "Se jodió to'esto..." I shall be moving my residence, most likely to Spain, over the next 4 years. (Portugal is option 2, with Brazil being third. Although Hellas looks really, really nice. I wish I could speak Greek, then I could move there...).

But if Rosselló wins, I'm not staying here. I'm not going through 4 years of torture after spending 8 abroad, as far away from that evil man as I could.

So, to recap:

DON'T VOTE FOR ROSSELLO
KEEP CHICAWOW IN PUERTO RICO!!

NO VOTE POR ROSSELLO
¡¡DEJE A CHICAWOW EN PUERTO RICO!!

Now, I plead to your human sense of decency... DO NOT VOTE FOR THIS MAN!!! Please, vote to keep me here!!! I like my job! I like being with my family!!! Give me a chance to make friends!!! (I have family, but no true friends here yet). DEJENME EN MAYAGUEZ!!!