Wilde Thoughts

The bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation.
-Oscar Wilde

When I read this quote, my jaw dropped. There is only one person in the world that I will tell 99 per cent of my thoughts and feelings, even if he doesn't understand them or agree with them. He's a great listener, and we can talk about anything until the late morning hours (at least we used to). No topic is off limits (although we've been subtly avoiding religion). I think that's one of the reasons we still, well, talk. We really enjoy each other's company, even if we're 2,000 miles away.

The one thing I can't tell him though, is how I feel about him. I

wish I could tell him that I think about him constantly. That, every day, there is something that reminds me of him. That every night, the thing I look forward to the most is chatting with him online, even if it's to say, "Hi. How was your day? Cool. I gotta go to bed. Later."

I can't tell him that I miss him. That I miss his hugs. His kisses. The way he held my hand when we were together. I miss cuddling after ML. He would be wide awake and ready to talk, while I would be the one to fall asleep. I miss his smile, the way he throws his head back when he laughs his heart out.

I can't tell him that I really think we'd be great together. That I know he feels something for me, I'm not sure what, but he does. That if he really wants to date his best friend when she moves to his town, to go ahead and do that. His happiness is very important to me. If he wants to be happy with someone else, then so be it. It will not change the way I feel about him, but I can accept that.

I can't tell him that I would love to be a MOM. And that I think his son is adorable. That sometimes I try to picture what our kids would look like (brown hair and brown eyes but that's as far as I go, I can't seem to place which of our traits they would have). How we would have a house, and the kids would be in school, and we'd start the business with a home office and then move it out to a bigger place as we turned awesome profits. I can't tell him that I know we could grow old together.

But then I have to come back to reality. Find out it's hard to do all that because you're 2K miles away. Because he's dating other girls (or trying to anyway). Because I finally found a job that I love, and I feel good being back with my family. Because he's not willing to move anywhere (not that I would ask him to move to Puerto Rico, but if there are other opportunities outside of TX, it's good to take advantage of them and get to know other places).

I bet Mr. Wilde doesn't have a quote for that.